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“Men always want to be a woman’s first love. That is their clumsy vanity. Women have a more subtle instinct about things: What they like is to be a man’s last romance.” —Oscar Wilde, “A Woman of No Importance.”
The “first love” concept is over-rationalized in kdramas. Its basis in a long held cultural belief that a person’s life is defined by fate (the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power:) and/or destiny (pre-determined events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future; their choices will be clear.)
However, Primal instincts at play: men were hard wired to hunt and capture the first inviting prey they come across. They attack and try to capture it. Women are geared towards establishing security and protection to raise a family. They are cautious as to not make a life-changing mistake of a mate.
In South Korea, many women’s ideal type is a “nice and protective man.” But the nice part has eroded because there is a growing problem of Korean men unable to adapt to social settings or how to interact with women and their needs. A man may be shy, quiet and acceptable at work or school but after drinking, buying dinner, etc he turns into a selfish beast. Misogyny, molka and rape culture has created real fear of men in Korean women. A recent survey found 51% of Korean women are fearful of taking public transportation or using public restrooms because they do not want to become sexual victims. According to a survey by the Korean Women’s Development Institute in 2022, the sex crime rate in Korea has more than doubled in 10 years. One reason for Korean rape culture is probably the Confucian background that emphasizes the gender roles; women should be submissive and supportive of men, while men are thought to be active and stronger. Moreover, according to Confucianism, men are much more sexual than women. In a paternalistic society, woman are viewed more as property than individuals.
The first love trope is a worn and unrealistic story in modern day life. A realistic drama may not have the escapism element of fantasy but it could be a more compelling, emotional story.
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