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My Dearest: Episode 17
by alathe
Being a divorced woman in Joseon is no picnic. Our heroine has plenty more trials ahead, but damned if she won’t rise to them, whilst adopting a dozen orphans along the way! Meanwhile, our hero’s been backed into a political corner… but the new regime has more surprises in store.
EPISODE 17
After Gil-chae’s mic drop last episode, Won-moo is finally out of the picture. But that picture’s far from perfect. Tarred by the scandal of divorce, Gil-chae and Jong Jong have little choice but to leave home. After a tearful goodbye to Eun-ae, they set up shop in a far humbler neighborhood, with the clothes on their back and a box of luxury daggers. Luckily, Gil-chae still has contact details for a royal concubine, a sharp-witted woman who appreciates the value of a hidden weapon… and a decent sales pitch.
Gil-chae’s not the only one in dire straits. At the village well, she encounters a woman with a familiar face, poised to jump. It’s the fellow captive she once talked away from the edge of a cliff. She barely escaped with her life, only to immediately be cast out by her family. Calmly, Gil-chae inquires if she at least wants to eat before she dies. One meal later, and their new friend is a permanent fixture in their band of outcasts — in addition to half the neighborhood orphans.
Meanwhile, Jang-hyun goes on passive-aggressive pseudo-dates with Gak-hwa, and steadfastly tries to keep hating her. This is harder some times than others. When she makes him laugh, for instance. When she sulks about losing a board game. But all bets are off when she gets scheme-y. This time, she challenges him to archery, though you’d have thought they’d both had enough of arrows to last a lifetime. Gak-hwa declares, in her calm, unreadable manner, that if he loses, he must stay with her forever. Jang-hyun picks up his bow, draws an arrow… and aims it directly at her face. I’m a merchant, he says. I pay people back. And I ought to repay the selfish, evil, foolish girl who shot me.
Bold words. But in the end, he lets the arrow fly wide. Worse, he lets slip something he shouldn’t — that he’s angry for thinking of her so much. Turns out, he can’t even resent her in peace, especially when her position is so precarious. For now, the prince-regent respects her, but his courtiers are another story; they smugly anticipate her being sold off to another husband. At this, her eyes flash murder. Her hand even strays to her dagger. Still, she knows it’s futile. Jang-hyun tells her to pay no heed; after all, no matter what they say, she remains herself. What, she laughs — evil, foolish, and selfish? This time, when she drags him into a kiss, there’s a significant pause before he pushes her away.
Elsewhere, the crown prince receives the best news he’s heard in a long while: he’s going home. The entire court rejoices. Yang-chun looks like he’s going to burst into tears when he gets to tell the captives. But what’s good for the court is too good to be true for the commoners; it’s not long before the crown prince dashes their hopes. The ever-paranoid king went ballistic when nobody reported that his son had redeemed more captives. It would be politically inexpedient to keep his promise of sending them home.
Neither Jang-hyun nor Yang-chun can countenance this. And the crown prince might not be the bravest, but he’s far from unsympathetic. To everyone’s relief, Yang-chun decides to stay until a solution is found. Jang-hyun, meanwhile, promises to lobby the royals in Joseon. But this, of course, necessitates a conversation with Gak-hwa. Precisely how unwisely Jang-hyun extricates himself is left unclear. All we know is that he tells her he’ll stay, if she wishes… but he does have one request. Next thing we know, he’s making his way for the border. All his friends are overjoyed at the thought of seeing their homeland. However, as far as he’s concerned, the only home he’s ever had is one person — and he’s making a beeline for her.
As the displaced Joseon court approach the palace, Gil-chae watches the procession without hope. She thinks, despondently, of Jang-hyun and his princess. But then, Jong Jong points excitedly to Goo Jam, and the very dashing figure beside him, and suddenly she’s scrambling to hide her face from the man who, against all odds, came back for her. Sure, she’s delighted to see him. It’s just — things are complicated. She told him she’d return home in pomp and circumstance, and now she’s a penniless divorcee running an unofficial orphanage on the grubbiest street in Hanyang!
Pride doesn’t hold back Goo Jam or Jong Jong for a second. For all that he’d resented her leaving, Goo Jam waltzes straight up to Jong Jong’s new lodgings. And for all that Jong Jong chose Gil-chae, she tearfully throws herself into his arms. Goo Jam chuckles, accepting this tacit apology with only minimal reference to that one time she slapped him in the face. Meanwhile, Gil-chae receives an unexpected guest. No, really unexpected — it’s Ryang-eum. He knows that Gil-chae doesn’t want Jang-hyun to see her like this. But it’s only a matter of time before he finds out. She needs to show him she’s well. That way, he’ll give up on her for good.
It’s been a while since we’ve had an authentic, convoluted Gil-chae scheme, but old habits die hard. She and Jang-hyun wind up face to face in the marketplace, with Gil-chae looking radiant, well-groomed… and heavily pregnant. Jang-hyun hides his heartbreak well. Subtlety was never Gil-chae’s weapon of choice; she lays it on thick with talk of her doting husband. But Won-moo’s utterly fictional devotion has got nothing on Jang-hyun’s entirely real commitment to fulfilling every single one of Gil-chae’s whims. When she mentions craving rice cakes, he scrambles to buy them. They snatch a few sunlit hours together, before Gil-chae disappears into her palanquin.
Jang-hyun asks Gil-chae for one last favor. Ryang-eum is holding a concert to celebrate their return, and he longs to see her one more time. Fine. She’ll shove a pillow up her dress, plaster on a beatific smile, and suffer, if it means being with him. But as they stand side by side in the audience, memories of that first concert hit her in full clarity, and suddenly she can’t do this anymore. She turns and flees, with Jang-hyun in quick pursuit. Ryang-eum falters on a note.
In the dark of evening, with tears streaming down her face, Gil-chae pleads — uh, morning sickness. Then, Jang-hyun floors her with a single question: how long much longer will you deceive me? Mortified, Gil-chae keeps walking. The pillow is angrily discarded. Jang-hyun catches her by the wrist as she insists that she’s living a good life in her own way. Please don’t pity her. But Jang-hyun is adamant: he can’t do that. He pulls her into a hug, where they linger — before Gil-chae leaves.
Ryang-eum finds her sitting, disconsolate… and twists the knife. As usual, he says, you only care about yourself. It’s maddening, that he suffers because of someone who doesn’t deserve him. If I were you — if I had a one sliver of his heart…! Here, he breaks off. But as ever, it’s futile. Later, he asks Jang-hyun if he even cares about him, Goo Jam, and Yang-chun at all. Jang-hyun’s eyes widen. I’d die for you, he says. But I want to live for Gil-chae. And if anyone tries to stop me — I’ll refuse to see them again. Fine, says Ryang-eum. Live for her. Wherever you go, this younger brother will follow.
Gil-chae is still sitting alone when Jang-hyun finds her. Neither can hide their smile. He was looking for her. She was waiting for him. Together, they sit down to eat. Gil-chae admits that she’s always wanted to serve him a meal she prepared herself. Jang-hyun takes this seriously, eating with care. Sitting like this, he says, feels like we’re bride and groom. There is nobody stopping us now. There’s nobody stopping me.
However, Gil-chae is still set on self-denial. My wish, she says, has been fulfilled. I won’t ask anything more from you. Jang-hyun moves closer in the dark. Why, he asks, did you get a divorce? Gil-chae is quiet for a moment. Then, she begins to voice the secret she kept from her friends, about what happened in Shimyang — only to pause. Jang-hyun takes one look, and understands. Do you still, he asks, not understand how I feel? For me, you are enough. Poor Gil-chae, wealthy Gil-chae, cheeky Gil-chae, gentle Gil-chae… Gil-chae who does not love me… Gil-chae who does. All I need is Gil-chae.
What about, she asks — finally working up the nerve to say it — Gil-chae who was defiled? Jang-hyun steps forward, utterly calm. I’d embrace her, he says, before proceeding to do exactly that. You must have suffered so much. But even if you push me away, I’ll be by your side from now on. Gently, he places a hand against her cheek. Tonight, he asks — can I hold you? She does not say no. And when they kiss, for the very first time, she finally kisses him back.
Holy emotional catharsis, if that wasn’t the perfect confession…! When Jang-hyun goes for knee-weakening romantic declarations, he never misses. The glorious thing about it was that every word is believable to a tee: everything reinforced so perfectly by his actions. We’ve been waiting a long time for this, but as far as I’m concerned? It was worth every moment of miscommunication. Meanwhile, Gil-chae’s discomfort at discussing her assault, and the double-standards she encountered — from her friends and family as well as your average neighborhood misogynist — was handled delicately, in a way that felt authentic. Of course, in both cases, it helps that we’re working with downright miracle actors who can convey about a thousand warring emotions in the blink of an eye, or the shift of a smile.
As for Ryang-eum… I’ve mentioned before that I don’t love how our only queer character is often used as a stereotypical plot device to keep the heterosexual couple apart. Still, what I do enjoy are those moments where he and Gil-chae act as the most of begrudging of narrative foils. They’re both prideful, both stubborn, both soft-hearted where it counts. And always, they encounter each other when they least want to, throwing out the worst sides of themselves — only to force each other to re-assess. On another, entirely different note, I also love that we got more of Jong Jong and Goo Jam being cute. I have nothing sophisticated to say on this front — I just think that Jong Jong deserves the world. Overall, this was a triumph of an episode, for me: it’s not easy, packing a whole week’s worth of punch into just over an hour, but wow did they succeed! So, to unabashedly wallow, let’s end on another shot of that kiss!
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